Online dating as a bigger woman can be brutal. I’ve been called a “fatty” or “fat bitch” by men on Tinder, or told that men would only have sex with me as a favor, because men could never be attracted to someone my size. I’m not insecure about my appearance, but when I first got into online dating, I found myself obsessing over my weight in an entirely different way. I worried my pictures made me look thinner than I actually am, and men would call me out for “lying” about my size. On sites like OkCupid, where you have to fill out a series of questions relating to sex, dating, and personality, I’d preemptively check how a guy answered questions like “would you date someone who is overweight? I eventually got over this, and I realized I’d created problems for myself that didn’t need to exist. But I was intrigued when I heard about WooPlus , a new dating app for plus-sized men and women to date freely, without the fear of being fat-shamed. According to Michelle Li, one of the co-founders of WooPlus, the idea for the app came after viewing a viral “social experiment” video, where men reacted viciously to being set up on a Tinder date with a woman who ended up being fatter than she appeared in her photos. This same video cites a study that says women’s greatest fear in heterosexual dating is that they’ll be matched with a serial killer, and men’s greatest fear is that they’ll be matched with a woman who is fat. If that’s actually true I couldn’t find the study , I can see how an app like WooPlus is meant to be a safe space of sorts.
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If you are a plus size or fat person, you know how difficult it is to date. Tinder is notorious for its users fat shaming , and this video shows how people react to their real-life dates being bigger than what they expected. Not great. It was that video that inspired WooPlus , an app exclusively for the plus size dating community. There are several websites dedicated to plus size or fat dating, but most cater to feederism and especially the fetishization of fat people.
However, this app is different.
My name is Stephanie and I am a member of all the dating apps. We all know that dating — either online or IRL — in this day and age can be an absolute cesspit of annoyance and despair. So I always thought that to cut down on the timewasting, ghosting and potential inappropriate messaging, it would be easier to connect with people on apps featuring specific themes or hobbies you have in common. For me, I suppose that would mean joining dating apps where my specific body type was the preference, as opposed to a hindrance.
My question is though; why can we not have our own fat version of OkCupid, Match. Having been a member of the app for over a year, my experiences using it has been quite horrid — to say the least. Despite the app trying to separate itself from its fetish-y counterparts, they still somehow make their way in. On an everyday basis, we are routinely dehumanised to the point of humiliation, and because we are not treated with the same level of basic human decency, love and respect as everyone else, we are automatically reduced to our body parts and are objectified as such.
We are mere vessels to be used for the fun, humiliation and sexual pleasure of others and I suspect that people do not see us as human beings who also crave forming tight bonds with others, relationships, security and love. To this day, I still often hear stories online from plus-size women who have been shamed or policed by others for having an attractive partner, or for having a partner at all.
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In , I began making profiles on fat-specific dating websites and apps. That is, platforms specifically targeted at fat people and our ‘admirers’.
Skip navigation! Story from Relationships. When it comes to dating, I was something of a late bloomer. Around the time my friends started losing their virginities and acquiring partners, I alternated between feeling too ashamed of my fat body even to consider letting anyone else see it and presuming that no one would want to look at me naked in the first place.
Fast-forward to early university and the discovery of fat acceptance communities online, and I started dipping my toe into the metaphorical hook-up pool. Finding people who seemed totally at ease with the nuances of my fatness, on the other hand, might prove a little trickier. I encountered folks who seemed to avoid any contact with my stomach, as if my belly were the Loch Ness Monster arising from the ocean or from under my shirt to eat them whole.
In , I began making profiles on fat-specific dating websites and apps. That is, platforms specifically targeted at fat people and our ‘admirers’. I knew the stereotypes and concerns surrounding these apps. Even within fat-positive circles, there sometimes runs a deep distrust of fat fetishism. Fat fetishists are often branded as individuals who want nothing more than to, well, fetishise a fat person usually nonconsensually.
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The issue is slightly more severe for plus-size women. So far as the heterosexual majority is concerned, a guy can expect a girl to appreciate him for what a great dude he is — how responsible he is, what a great breadwinner he is, what fun to be around he is, etc. He will want his date to look gorgeous. Putting it briefly, she can either sign up with a general dating service and meet local guys of all shapes and sizes, or she can specifically look for dating sites for fat women.
There is one detail, however.
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